August 26, 2008

A very old blog....I am moving everything here and I don't want to lose my old stuff when I delete the other

I'm sitting at home tonight,alone,which is unusual in itself. Mark is out of town,Mark John is with his Grandma and Pap Pap & Cora went home a week ago.

I am having a rough week. My little man is going into 2nd grade! I can't believe it! I am so proud and excited for him yet a bit sad. My little man is growing up! I hate back to school. My time with him is ending! I love doing things with he and Cora. She went home last week which is another wholeexhausting episode! I miss her so much!!

I have had a lot of little dumb things go wrong this week. My Blazer broke down Tuesday on the way home from Akron and had to be towed, I mooshed my toe in the grocery store the other day and it is still throbbing, now I am having trouble with Mark's beast of a truck that I must drive until he gets home and fixes mine. On top of all that I had to go to a "Protecting our Youth" workshop today and it was really depressing. I can't believe the people that hurt all our children! It sickens and depresses me!!



What is bothering me more than anything right now is the one year anniversary of my miscarriage. It wasWednesday, August 27, 2007. I can't stop thinking about it this week. I have been doing so much better. I really thought I would get through this without a complete upset this week but all these other little stupid things are piling up and I can't seem to get our child out of my mind. I just keep wondering whether it was a boy or a girl, who's eyes would he/she have? Mine and Mark's or Blue eyes like Mark John. I just wish I would have got to feel him/her move to hold him or her. I hate this feeling of overwhelming sadness. I am just a wreck tonight!! I know that God doesn't give us anything that we cn't handle but sometimes I wonder why he thinks I can handle so much! I wanted and still do want another child so badly! I know Mark doesn't want another child and I respect that and would rather have the love of my life, my husband if I have to choose but sometimes I really wonder why I can't have both! I love my life and am so grateful for everything I have I just wish I had my baby too!!